When I was a young lad growing up in Philadelphia, my parents would often introduce me to relatives at family affairs (usually bar mitzvahs).  "This is your Aunt Lena," my mother would say, or "You remember your Aunt Tillie."  Of course, I saw these people so infrequently that I didn't remember Aunt Tillie, and I had to be reintroduced to her each time we met. And I can recall being embarrassed when one of these aunts or uncles would corner me and say, "You remember who I am, don't you?" 

I didn't know how these people were related to me. My parents never explained (perhaps they assumed I knew), and I guess I never had the curiosity to ask. I didn't know if they were aunts any uncles on my mother's side of the family, or my father's side. I didn't even know if they were really relatives -- after all, my parents had several close friends whom were known to me as uncle or aunt so-and-so.  To this day, my closest "uncle" is my Uncle Milt, who is not a relative at all but my father's best friend.

This all changed for me recently. When my father passed away last year, one of the people who attended the funeral was an 83 year old person who was introduced to me as my cousin Harold. Looking around, it was quite clear that cousin Harold was the elder statesman for the Luber family. In speaking with cousin Harold after the funeral, I learned that he was actually my father's first cousin -- that Harold's father, Ben, was my paternal grandfather's brother. He was able to tell me a lot about my grandfather, who died before I was born.

As a result of my father's passing, I came into possession of some old photographs, including some photos of my grandfather with some other people in my grandfather's cigar store, Luber's Cut Rate, on Germantown Avenue in North Philadelphia. These pictures had been taken in the 1920's and 1930's. I scanned the photos into my computer, used photo editing software to remove the scratches and blemishes and adjust the exposure and sharpness, and reprinted them on photo quality paper using my HP PhotoSmart printer. They came out amazingly well -- in fact, much better than the original photos I had scanned!

I sent the pictures to cousin Harold along with a note, asking him if he could help identify some of the other people in the pictures.

A few weeks later, I received a very nice response from cousin Harold. It turns out that the other people in the pictures were some of my grandfather's siblings. One of the pictures had really stumped me. It was a picture of a man in a panel truck. The man looked a little like my father, but it was clearly someone else. As it turns out, the picture was of Harold's father, my grand Uncle Ben.

For good measure, Harold included in his response the names of all of my grandfather's siblings and half siblings (of which there were many), listed in order from oldest to youngest.

I was shocked. There were Aunt Lena, Aunt Tillie, Aunt Fannie, Aunt Sara, Uncle Nathan, Uncle Ben, and more ......all of the people I had been introduced to many times as a child. All of them had been siblings or half-siblings of my grandfather, and I had never known it!

Because of my ignorance and lack of curiosity at a young age, I had missed out on a wonderful opportunity to learn more about my grandfather. If these people were still alive today, I would be interrogating them to learn everything they know, but alas the opportunity has been lost.

Shortly thereafter, I began asking my Uncle Jerry (my father's youngest brother) about his father. He has told me some amazing stories that have given me some insight into the man. I will share one of these stories here. One day, my grandfather picked up my Uncle Jerry and a classmate from elementary school. He drove them home, and as he was parking the car, the classmate opened the door prematurely. A light pole removed the door from the car. My grandfather got out of the car, picked up the door, and put it in the car. He never said a word about the incident, then or ever, to anybody. I can only think about how I would have reacted if one of my daughter's class mates was responsible for my losing a car door. I can assure you: they would never find the body.

So my message to you all today is simple. Teach your children well.  When you introduce your children to relatives, make sure that they understand exactly who these people are and how they are related to your children. Don't assume that your children know. In fact, the better assumption is that your children don't know how they are related to these people. Your kids may not be curious enough to ask these relatives questions, but they will never have an opportunity to learn more about their heritage if you don't give them half a chance by making certain they understand how the puzzle pieces fit together.

Also, if you are 50 years of age and find yourself in a situation similar to mine, do some digging and find out if you too have a cousin Harold, before it is too late for you to learn about your roots.  If you are lucky, as I am, you will learn a great many fascinating things....things that will help you understand better who they were, and who you are. Don't wait until its too late.

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 PC Fear Factor: The Ultimate PC Disaster Prevention Guide!